One year, where’s it gone?

Hi guys! Long time no post, I know, and all that jazz…But I really felt like I had to write something today.

It’s exactly one year since I was diagnosed, and frankly, it’s got me wondering where I am now today. This time last year, I was waiting in the clinic to see Doc for the first time, having already had an argument with Mum over my paltry breakfast of plain oats and water…had a blood test, quarreled with mum over my lunch of tomato soup…life really sucked. One year on, I’ve embraced more food groups, eating three meals and one snack is back to being the norm, I’ve gotten my period back. Progress?

I just had an appointment with Doc yesterday, and that, added with some things that have happened this past week (month!) with Mum and myself…let’s just say things aren’t the same anymore.

I’ve been..purging.

I am NOT proud of this, and I swear, I would do anything to go back to a time before I had this compulsion to sick everything up. It SUCKS, big time–and anyone who thinks that having your food defy gravity and your body’s mechanisms to keep it in your stomach…is seriously stupid. I know, easy for me to say.

NO IT’S NOT. I’ve sworn to stop, and I’m proud to say I haven’t done that stick-your-head-down-the-toilet for a week now. Maybe I’m lucky in that I got caught early before it became a major habit and problem–thanks, Mum–but seriously. ED mutating and everything…things have really gotten out of control over this month.

Mum has decided that she’s going to go completely hands-off. How much I eat, when and what I eat…it’s up to me now, though she often reminds me with that Peter Parker quote, paraphrased to become “with freedom comes responsibility”. She said that she’s realized that al this manhandling and ‘force-feeding’ hasn’t gotten the both of us anywhere. Just led me to the toilet–literally–and it’s ruining our relationship. So I’m given absolute free reign…with the knowledge that hitting rock bottom means only two things. The coffin or crawling my way back up.

Truth be told, it’s kind of overwhelming, having to make decisions and accept that yes, I’m eating because I want to eat.

Piss off, ED.

I’m no longer required to take supplements, and while all this is liberating–I haven’t felt this unstressed and relieved for a long, long time–figuring out what to replace it with everyday is both an exciting and worrisome thing. Ah well. I’m glad to say that I’ve managed to have something everyday, instead of skipping out on snacks altogether. I’ve had a blueberry bar (like an overgrown fig newton in disguise), peanut butter Kashi bar in oats…and a banana muffin.

SCORE!

I don’t know. What with Mum, the T and Doc telling me it’s time to take responsibility…I’m done. I’m done pretending everything is under control, that I can ignore this problem for the rest of my life. NO WAY, NO HOW. It’s been one year, I’m about to turn seventeen, I’ve had it playing pretend.

(Especially since if this continues, I’m going to be put on anti-psychotics…but that’s another thing altogether!!!)

This kind of feels like a fresh start. Wacko, idealistic, unrealistic, call it whatever, but I’m not playing games with myself anymore.

Phew, done with the hard talk and the ranting. Maybe I am delusional?!?! 0_o Anyway, I’m just really thrilled out of my socks (figuratively speaking)!

I’m going to TOKYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dad just woke me up on Monday morning and asked if I’d like to go to Tokyo with him…and here I am, preparing the itinerary for the trip next week!

Did I mention that I’m so frigging excited?

I am worried about mealtimes and all that, but really, I just wanna kick ED out of the way and have a GOOD TIME. I’ve missed out on trips with my family because of ED. This time, NOT ANYMORE. First trip in 2 years…and I am determined to have a blast with my dad. So lovies, gonna come back with photos and tales galore…yay!

Have a very Happy New Year, everyone:) May 2010 be an even more awesome year for all of you!

Hugs and kisses by the ton <3

Vanishing acts.

Hey lovelies! I’m so sorry I’ve been MIA for more than a week…things have been really tense between my parents and I lately, but the good thing that has come out of it is that I really know that it’s ED they’re fighting. That it’s ED we have to fight together. Easier said than done, but it’s a comfort to know.

As you’ve probably gathered from that (oh-so-unexpected, who am I kidding?) paragraph and explanation, the situation’s kind of at a standstill now, all the “won’t”s and “no”s coming out in full force. It sucks. Seriously. I’m terrified like hell. My mum was just asking me the other day what it was that kept me with ED (a complete turnaround from the usual question of “what would motivate you to get better”) and I was giving her a flip response–largely ‘cos I was irritated with the subject–and said “Because with ED nothing changes. And I’m afraid of changes.”

Yeah, I know. That ‘life’s only constant is change’ and all that. It was just something I hawked up to appease her, but when I said it…there really is no denying it that I’m such a stickler for rigidity and ‘rituals’ and things going exactly as planned, knowing exactly what’s going to happen.

Wimp.

Huh. But basically, I’m not about to write out sob stories, which I’ve been doing of late. Tiring and trying to write as well as to read, and I’m personally fed up with having this black dog on my shoulder too! I’ve had it with this. ED has gotten me kicked out from playing in a concert I’ve been for preparing months for, made me cry, ruined my social life…I’ve spent most of the hols cooped up at home because I can’t cope with eating outside by myself very much. EPIC SUCKS.

So, all you lovely blogger sweethearts out there, this little wimp girl is going to take yet another short break from blogging…I don’t think I’m ready to face the pressure from the community right now. Cowardly, yes. Stupid and stubborn. Check, check. But the stress from trying to find positive things to do and say is horrible, and makes me feel like a hypocrite. Just lemme get my mojo back, ‘kay?

Will be back ASAP–love you all too much!

Self-combusting, about now.

I hate my mum. I hate the housekeeper. I hate my dad. My family. I hate the ED team. I hate ED. Oh fuck this.

Today royally sucks. And morning’s not even over yet.

I’m sorry. Yesterday wasn’t so bad, since I went out and window shopped with J, watched a silly Japanese movie called Happy Flight (seriously, the trailer’s just plain ridiculous)…had lunch by ‘myself’ outside…seems pretty good, huh?

Seriously? 6 bucks. 2 hours. Sometimes I wonder about the things I let J talk me into…

But Mum seems to be forcing more food on me under the pretence that the servings I take are not enough. I’m already taking the NORMAL SERVINGS!!!!! No cheating, none! If you want me to eat more, just be effing straight about it with me. And Lord, she keeps picking on me, the way I eat, when I eat…

And she’s accusing me of making life complicated for myself?

Click it. Pffft.

Sigh. Sorry, this wasn’t really much of a post. I am just so, so fed up. And tired. And angry. But mostly tired. Huh. Hope all you sweeties woke up to a better Friday than I did!

Tragedy?

Epic. That is all.

Mum, The Sis and I headed out to watch New Moon this morning–which, by the way, made me cringe at some parts (sorry!!!)–and well, thoroughly had a “girls’ morning out”. It actually hadn’t really started off well, with Mum getting angry with me on the way there about “how (I) wasn’t trying, how it’s difficult to talk to (me) about anything else other than ED when (I) look like that“…and partially to appease her, AND because I saw and I wanted!!! …

I ASKED to have gelato for snack today instead of my Resource. I can’t remember the last time I volunteered for something like this. Ice cream. ‘Decadent treat’. An ENJOYABLE snack. It felt scary at first…but eating it while walking home just felt so free. Frivolous, like “I can do this anywhere, anytime–watch me”.

Plus, the berry sorbet was good! (Well, duh. Italians and their ice cream…)

Point: It had one whole, lovely blueberry in it!

Anyway. New Moon…wasn’t exactly fantastic, but was a fun show anyway, like doing something (silly *cough*) just because you can and want to. Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart!

I had a therapist appointment earlier this afternoon…and it was upsetting, to say the least. She showed me my weight chart (a graph of my ups and downs) over the last year(!) and basically, T was beginning to get tough and harsh, egging me on to “take responsibilty” and “stop cheating”.

I’ve never wanted to run out of a room so much before. It was so damn stressful. I avoid thinking about the tough decisions, but having to face up to them in her office today, I just wanted to dive into my bed and pull the blankets over my head.

Just thinking about it makes me feel BLAH again. I know she means well and really, it’s for my OWN GOOD. Oh F**K.

Speaking of responsibility and decisions, if things don’t look up by my next weigh-in at the end of this month, I may be looking at the program for real this time. Right when school starts. @#$%^&**.

Okay, enough with the downer post. Tomorrow brings its own new challenges, no need to harp on today. Tomorrow morning…Mum bought muffins, and I really want to try one. I’m hoping I can manage it!

It’s December!

Not to make fun or anything, but I am incredibly amused. I read in a magazine that this lovely wintery month is none other than National Fruitcake Month. (No, not nutcases. The actual–hardly edible???–cake) As well as National Egg Nog Month. LOL. To add to that, this first week of December, as in preparation for Christmas…is National Cookie Cutter Week.

Let’s see…lotsa ‘National’ days celebrating really fun stuff this month, actually! Yesterday (the first) was National Pie Day. Today is National Fritters Day, tomorrow is National Apple Pie Day (oh yum), followed by National Cookie Day. Whoa. As if that’s not enough, the next week has even MORE (I am amazed, frankly): Candy Day on the 7th, Chocolate Brownie Day on the 8th, Pastry Day on the next, Cocoa Day and Cupcake Day on the 12th and 14th respectively!

DA BEST EVA– National Chocolate Covered Anything Day on December 16th.

There’s also Hard Candy Day, Fried Shrimp Day, Hamburger Day…did you know Chirstmas is also Pumpkin Pie Day? For good reason, I guess, LOL. Boxing Day is otherwise known as Candy Cane Day, something sure to make my sugar-addict sister really happy.

All I can say is well, the Americans really know how to celebrate:) Gotta hand it to them!

Well, over here in not-so-festive (as yet) Singapore, where the weather alternates being grouchy and rainy (like my mood) and unbearably hot/bright/WHUT, the Christmas carols aren’t driving me nuts yet, since I haven’t been in the mood to go out much. Oh wait. I did, on impulse, head down to the shops the other day and splurge. Felt guilty and was wracked with second-guessing myself afterwards (I tend to do that a lot, sadly), I did emerge with…

Sorry, Dorothy. Gold is the new red:)

An OWL! pendant chain of sorts I got from Forever 21 for $9!!! ME HAPPY, yes.

Oh, and I stopped by and got this too.

Joking. It’s a horrifically big display outside a shopping mall, and I just had to snap a pic of it. It’s hilarious, for some reason!

I think I’m losing brain cells ever since school let out. Someone please salvage my grey matter?

Anyway, other than my wee splurge (har har), things have been rather um, upsetting. My iMac crashed yesterday! So now I’m piggy-backing on my siblings’ computer. I’m okay with that. It’s just that my iTunes library is probably gone, so my iPod can’t have new tunes added:( Bugger. I was going to put ‘Frosty the Snowman’ and ‘Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer’ in.

Also, I got really cross this afternoon because I was told that we had to go to a wedding dinner this Friday. I don’t like these sort of occasions–screw anti-social me, eff ED. Bleh. Plus the fact that I’m only working two shifts this week, something that had me crazy happy free, but one of my shifts is on the same night as the dinner, and now I have to talk to my manager to switch up something.

I hate it when my plans get mixed up. Okay, I’ll just talk to them at work tomorrow. NO biggie.

You know, this time last year I wasn’t really there. I was running out and lying, pretending, telling half-truths…and I was just thinking. When I went to the GP yesterday for my flu jab (ouch) , I was telling my sister I didn’t want to go, not because I was afraid of the needle. But really, because I was holding a grudge against the family doctor for ‘ratting me out’ to my mum about my ED. Mum had dragged me to see him after bits and pieces of my crazy behaviour had come leaking out–the scale betrayed me too, ironically enough at that time–and he’d referred me to my current ED Doc. Dear Doc. And I was (bitterly?) telling my sis that it was thanks to the GP that I had to go to the clinic ever so often.

Then I stopped. Actually, it’s thanks to the GP that I’m not dead right now. I could have been nothing more than a skeleton or shrivelled corpse somewhere in a hospital if I hadn’t been stopped there and then. (Actually, it was my sister who gave me a mental slap to wake up, by telling me at the point where I was grousing childishly to her that she didn’t want to talk to ED. Oh.)

That’s a really scary thought.

I’m scared. I don’t want to see relatives, don’t want them to eye me and make comments which I’m terrified to interpret. I don’t want to face the festive season food, and wonder if I can eat it. These are crazy, “symptomatic” thoughts, as my T would say, but I’m just…ugh. Plus the fact that my Doc is going away for most of December, so I’m only seeing her at the end of this month! I don’t know what’s going to happen.

BLEH. Wait. Never mind.

Do the next right thing.

I CAN. I WILL.

One meal at a time.

Sigh. It’s just rather overwhelming, and my mood’s been rather down lately. Maybe thing’s will get better…hoping the same for all you lovies too:)

Apple-dappled oats!

Oatmeal with apple butter and liberally covered–seriously–in chopped apple.

I think I like this name for me oats. All right, it is hereby christened APPLE-DAPPLED OATS. Just because I like things that rhyme. They crack me up Yummy name for a yummy bowl of brekkie…I think I’ve gotten my apple fix for today. LOL, remember I first complained the apple butter was too sweet? Now it’s all…tangy! Mmm. And while I like my apples cold and crunchy (who doesn’t, please?!), warming them up in hot oats–maybe I should wait till they’re softer before attacking next time–ain’t bad.

Today started out pretty good…woke up before everyone else, as usual, got bored after breakfast and turned on none other than ze google box–to find Hilary Swank going all creepy investigator in The Reaping (horror movies, how I love thee). Oh YES. Then Mum came out and pointed out that “isn’t it a bit too early to be pasting your face to the TV”, in her very blunt way. Uh-huh. Then dum dum dum…I was looking at the lovely Kris‘ PIE ATTACK epic video and just squeeing at how lovely and strong she was <3

When the mother walked past, scowled, and said something very uncomplimentary about EDs. I felt like yelling at her. She was being so spiteful! Mum told my brother, of all things!!!– that ED people make cheap dates, because they don’t eat things at all when you bring them out.

WTF. I mean, really. My mother just said that.

Ugh. Filters needed, thank you very much. Kris, you rock my socks. Mum, please.

Well…yesterday was the T’s appointment. The dear Doc made me write down a list of rules and fears that ED made me do, ordering me to start “challenging” myself since she pointed out that it’s only when things are uncomfortable that you know you’re making headway.

*buries head in sand*

But I did it, since Mum and the Doc were obviously getting impatient, so yesterday’s appointment with dear T was…eventful, shall we say.

First on the list: Lipbalm.

Yeah, stupid right? I just couldn’t shake the thought that something that close to my mouth–ON my mouth–wouldn’t go in and well…

The T convinced me to dig out my lippy from the bottom of my bag. She egged me on to daub it on my lip. And pointed out that I had two lips, so dab on the upper lip as well. Then she further pointed out that my lips were not that small, that I had to spread it. Oh. So there you go, Rachel wore lipbalm.

That wasn’t so bad, really. Chapped lips–for a long long time!–be gone! And the T reassured me that the idea that lipbalm and the like made people fat was utter BULL. For one, lipbalm is NOT a food item. ED is being ridiculous by adding non-food items to the already retarded list of restrictions. And another thing, which makes complete sense, unlike the stupid monster, is that HELLO, MAGAZINES WOULD BE THE FIRST TO PUBLISH THE BREAKING NEWS OF “LIPSTICK MAKES WOMEN FAT”. Have you seen that in articles? NO NO NO.

ED, go jump in a lake. And don’t come out, thank you very much.

Looks like my next few visits to T are gonna be tough, to say the least:( But maybe it’s about time I got a kick in the ass to do this. I have to make a move, and quit stalling. Or into the day programme I go.

I think I’ll start rolling!

Well, hope all of you lovies in the US had a lovely Thanksgiving:) We don’t celebrate it here–turkey on Christmas is quite an occasion already!–so I really wonder what the whole shebang’s about. Sure it’s nice to have one day dedicated to giving thanks…but maybe being thankful for something everyday would be nice too! For example, I JUST SAW THE PICTURES OF THE BANDROOM ON MY NEW SCHOOL CAMPUS. Oh it is huge. I think I’m in love! Siiiigh. I am thankful that my new school has lovely facilities. As shallow as that may seem, LOL. And I am thankful I got to know all you beautiful people in this community, regardless of what my parents think. (Pshhht.)

Have a good Friday, sweeties. <3

Don’t touch– I bite.

I think yesterday could be labelled as THE Murphy’s Law Day. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

-I dropped dishes during work yesterday. Yes, things broke. I think porcelain and plates have very little affinity with me? (There go this month’s tips…)

-I mixed up the darn credit card promotions twice. Well, for one thing, there are so many promotions even the managers get mixed up themselves, but as they pointed out, I should still know when to offer the best deal to customers. As it turns out, one couple got so annoyed they got the ’short end of the stick’, they threatened to write a letter of complaint, and the managers themselves go cross because apparently it reflected badly on them.

AARGH.

-It came to visit yesterday, complete with cramps. And horrible body image, ED’s voice everywhere.

-Was in a terrible mood anyway yesterday, and not in anyway helped by last night’s shift at work…so ended up snapping at Dad and Mum on the way back. And thusly almost got my own head bitten off. Whew, dangerous.

-Discovered that the Christmas presents I want to but for my ‘rents are way more expensive than budgeted. How can organizers and calendars cost $40?!?!

My sentiments exactly.

But this run of bad luck’s gotta end sometime…right? *fingers crossed…double crossed*

I’m going out with Mum for a little shopping trip this afternoon–squeezing it in before a 4.15 pm appointment with ze Doc. Uhm. The little stormcloud on the horizon aside, I’m really looking forward to shopping with Mum. Sort of. Sometimes she and I disagree on things that we but and the places that we shop, not because I wear revealing clothes or I lean towards piercings and all that. NO. Vintage and second-hand searches do not hold very well with Ma. At least not that I know of? She’s agreed to accompany me to Haji Lane, our own ‘vintage street’ of sorts. Hmm. I can already feel my pocket aching! (If I manage to spend anything at all…we may just end up doing window shopping 0_o)

Breakfast fave of the week! Rachel’s Organic low-fat raspberry yogurt, topped with Kashi Go Lean and cornflakes, accompanied by a bowl of chopped apple.

This was originally supposed to go all together in the bowl, but then it looked like the yogurt mixup would look like the topping on the apple instead, so…

I was really looking forward to it, but as you can probably tell by the random addition of cornflakes, Mum was none too happy that I’d added so “little” cereal. I was still going to have Horlicks after that, not having the yogurt as a complete replacement! GRRR.

But it was nice. So end rant. Not a fan of dairy products–surprising that cheese is a must for me as dictated by the dietitian and Mum, but this yogurt?

Pssst, Rachel’s? Me? I wish I DID own the brand!

Okay. I’m determined to enjoy today, to make the most out of it. I will keep smiling, and I definitely will try my hardest NOT to let ED influence my mood or dictate my decisions. It’s Rachel and Mum’s bonding time–not Rachel, Mum and ED! This may not be so easy to say come later today, but I’ve got nothing to lose by trying…even if cramps are bad and Sis is being…herself. SO THERE.

*gives the one-fingered salute to the monster lurking around the corner*

So said, it’s lunchtime. Time to tackle this meal, lovies! Sending you all hugs and kisses…and especially to Maya, who’s feeling under the weather! Hope you get well soon:)

Have a good Wednesday!

Men look good in suits.

Now that is obvious. I mean seriously, it took me four days of wearing office wear at a conference to realise that? Whoa. But I tell you those lapels, ties and collars are certainly redeeming:) That, and girls have a lot of leeway in the sense of dressing “professionally”. Anything goes, really, especially if its black. And adding a blazer just covers everything, so.

Plus, as my poor feet can attest, high heels are instruments of torture. I know, I know. Women suffer to look good and all that, but seriously, heels take it to a whole new level. My wounds–literally!–can attest to that. Who invented these things to totter around in…just don’t let me get my hands on you.

We end up like this.

Ouch?

Pretty, but give me ballet flats any day. Ooh, especially Marc Jacobs’ mouse flats:)

Note: shamelessly filched from the Internet. But let’s just stare and collectively sigh.

Okay, admittedly (United Nations, a model one) conferences are not really things that get me going “WHEEE”. No. But I do enjoy some parts of it…having fun conversation over SERIOUS things, meeting new people–while awkward, once the “Hi, my name is Rachel” bit is over, things are quite interesting! Oh. And people-watching. Quirky outfits, even while bounded by the dress code, abound:) But, back to the snooze parts. And I literally mean snooze. Guess who dozed her way to 60% of the talks and debates?

Er. Heh. Hehe. Not intentional, I swear! It’s just, things get a bit monotonous after a while, and I swear I wasn’t the only delegate to drop off. International students: LOL. I can’t believe I used to be one! Funky accent, free-floating, FUN…wow.

AND SPEAKING OF THAT. I met people from my old international school!!!Can you believe it?! Nasty bit was that I only discovered that today, on the last day. Sigh. I didn’t manage to meet up with my best friend, who’s MIA!!!, but I met her brother and my ‘old’/ex junior. Had a good chat–and hug–catching up on who got expelled!, who became a junkie!!!, etc etc.

Dangerous people. But I miss them nonetheless, wild behaviour aside. And though most of the people I know have long since left. Good times:)

Enough blather about my silly debate thingummy. Interesting finds for you foodies…not one, not two, but THREE bars I present to you lovelies today!

1. Ze Cherry Pie Larabar.

Unwrapped…

Honestly? After hearing so much about this bar, and even its name sounds good…I was really disappointed. I like tangy stuff–or at least I used to?–but this bar just made me wince. It wasn’t bad…I suppose the disappointment affected the flavour lots, but it was just too ’sharp’ in taste to suit me.

2. Raw Revolution.

This is one bar I’ve put off for the longest time, on account of the fact that it’s just so…big. Not size…you know. Just the number on the label, it really freaked me out. But I tackled it anyway–largely because Mum wanted me to have a more substantial bar this time, and because its presence in my special BAR! drawer was irking me.

Verdict: FAIL. It’s not worth it, being so small–it’s practically a square, FLAT to boot too! And the taste? Too sweet (or is it just me?), with only the nuts inside to redeem it.

Doesn’t look all that appetising either. Pity that these bars I have aren’t great:( Or maybe I’m just too picky?

3. Stoats Porridge Oat bar.

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

GAH. Nom nomnomnomnom. This bar makes up for all the previous disappointments!!! It crumbled in my mouth, with the texture of shortbread–it had butter in it, something that put me off at first–but not as cloying, sweet enough but not like the Raw bar…oh gosh. You have to eat it to understand. Seriously. Rarely do I admit that something is good and that I like it…an ED thing, not liking my food:( But whoa, hands down. This is nice.

Phew. A hectic (dozy?) week’s now over. But sheesh, I have to get back to work tomorrow, I have the doctor and T next week…no rest for the wicked? Pfft. I DON’T WANNA!!!

Huh, but anyway, looking forward to being able to read you lovies’ blogs again! Hope everything’s been okay with all of you the last few days…night, sweeties!

Global warming indeed.

No, dears. This is not some Al Gore speech or me being preachy. Far from it, I’m so much more…interesting. :b

–STOP USING PLASTIC BAGS! TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORT!!!–

*cough* Well, my point is that it’s HOT. It was raining, drizzling, pouring the last few days…and now the sun’s out. With a vengeance. Dear Mr Sun, please don’t take your anger out on us. It’s not our fault that the clouds decided it would be a good time to water the plants. Er.

We ain’t far enough from this if you ask me. Or maybe I’m just being grouchy.

Glad to know that you all were so very amused by my brother’s mohawk! And the piano. (It’s fixed!) You should have heard my mother’s gasp of horror when he walked into the house. She sent him out to get a haircut because he was beginning to look like an overgrown toilet brush–hey, really–and he came back with the mohawk.

I was sulking in my room when he returned…but seriously, going out and encountering (even hearing the shrill horror of Mum from the bedroom) the new JD in the living room was hilarious.

Sadly, the dear boy now has this:

With glasses. Nerdier looking. Really. He’s actually a geek at heart.

I am now munching on a mandarin orange, trying not to get juice all over the keyboard. For those uninitiated in the fine art of eating juicy (STICKY) fruits like oranges, please. Beginners, do not try this at home when you’re doing homework or typing. Especially if said fruit you’re wrangling with has seeds.

Okay, fruit gone. I think maybe that this is something to bring up. I remember one of my old posts mentioned I had a fear of fruits because it was sweet. Well, this is weird, because this was one thing I used to literally binge on while I was restricting…or even before ED fully started. I could eat like one whole box of papaya, or a whole mango and tomato?! in one sitting. I do go to extremes, huh. Then when I was starting the weight gain process, sweet things were the absolute TABOO, and you know, nature’s candy–fruits, became off-limits. Than apples were reintroduced, and they were the only fruits I would eat. From half, slowly to one whole. Then pears, because my mum is just a big fan of variety. (’scuse the sarcasm). Even now I still prefer apples only. Then mangoes! Oh baby:) I LOVED them, then freaked because they were so high in calories…comparatively. But hey, I just ate a serving yesterday after dinner.

Fruits, thou art MINE again:) Melons, strawbs…you name it. But I think I still have a rigid obsession with apples. And having more than one serving a day makes me upset…working on it.

OH. But this being an ENVIRONMENTALLY-FRIENDLY!!! post…er, remember, friends, eat locally-grown fruits! Reduce your carbon footprint…and all that. LOL.

I’ve got to go pick up my jacket from my aunt’s house right about…now. Before the traffic jams start! Got a conference–a model UN conference for students –over the rest of this week. Pfft. Suddenly I’m all worried about all the sitting and sedentary stuff I’ll be doing, but heck. I’m no flamingo. They stand for more than 4 hours on one leg. No thanks. I wouldn’t want to be pink all over either, however nice a colour it is.

Okay. This was just really nonsensical rambling, but I felt like saying a little something today, so Take care and have a good day!

Mm-hmm.

Once again, it’s been a rough weekend. Mum, Dad and I…well, mostly ze mama and moi…were at it again. Dad’s being an early Frosty the Snowman–right after stating that he thought my little “thing” degraded me to “worse than animals”–while Mum just basically said she’d love to kick me out of the house.

But also as usual, we kissed and made up. You know. Grudgingly on my part, because what she’d said really hurt, and it looks like yet another mood swing on Mum’s part, but I’m not going to quibble. It’s cold enough (what with the rain) without a COLD WAR going on in the house.

Dad…grunts. -_-

Mum’s challenged me to do this: Do one small thing every day that is out of (my) comfort zone. Easier said than done, and I don’t know if I can do it…but heck, what am I saying? I just did “one small thing” this evening. I didn’t go into the kitchen while the housekeeper was doling out my rice. I usually go in as soon as she’s done in my paranoia that she’ll PILE on the rice and try to serve myself…but I got caught cutting back lately, so Mum (furiously) firmly told me to stop.

It was terrible:( Funny how just standing to one side and letting someone portion out your food can be so stressful…like Mum said, the difference is really only a few grains of rice! But pfffft. Goosebumps and fist-clenching aside, dinner is over and I’m none the worse for it. SO THERE.

Ahhhh. Been really lazy of late. Watched movies, dozed around, lounged on the sofa, read (just went to the library this afternoon! BOOKWORM, why yes)…my bum doth protests. Either it really is sore–all the more reason to put some padding on those bones–or it’s just ED playing up the guilt. Still, it’s hard to do crafts when you’re standing, right?

I think I’ve fallen in love with these shiny letters. Fickle person that I am…wait till the next glittery thing comes along! I swear I’m like a magpie or something:)

Just to note that I do get out and about, here are some very fitting things I captured while out on a hunt jaunt with J!

Live, laugh, love

Edible stationery. Yes please.

Other interesting things that have occurred in my house…

-My brother got a mohawk. That lasted 24 hours before he shaved it off!

-And the piano got dismantled. Don’t worry, it got put back together again (unlike Humpty) after the tuner finished his…vacuuming.

Night!